To channel Whiskey, this whole election is one gigantic "sh*t test" that the GOP is failing. The GOP needs to demonstrate that they have a spine, and they are failing badly.
Talking heads: GOP, here's what you need to do to win our hearts! You need to declare an amnesty. You need to embrace gay marriage. You need to become the party of abortions for all and sundry. But most important of all, you must embrace the idea that you have inherited the original sin of racism due to your white skin, and constantly self-flagellate yourself according to the tenets of PC to achieve true redemption.
Only THEN will we go out with you. Will you do that for us? (Bats doe eyes at GOP.)
GOP: Aww shucks, really? Is that all you want? Ok then!
GOP then goes out and changes whole platform, salivating at the thought that all of these votes could be his!
GOP (to himself): This time, I'll win for sure! I've done everything they asked me to do! I'm looking forward to the American public finally going out with me!
Another four years roll by.
American public: Sorry GOP, I'm sorry we didn't vote for you. It's just that we needed a REAL LEADER, and, look, I know you are a really nice guy and all...
GOP: (tears well in eyes)
American public: Oh, I'm so sorry GOP! We can still be friends though! Give me your number, I'll call you up some day and we can hang out. What's your number?
GOP: um, 555-2382. You mean you'll really call me?
American Public: 555-BETA? Oh, that's so easy to remember, I won't even need to type that into my phone. Don't worry GOP, I surely WILL CALL YOU. Later now!
GOP: Awww, gee, thanks! When will you call me?
American Public: I'll call you REAL SOON NOW, I promise!
Several weeks pass by...
GOP to best friend Rove: Rove, I've got this public I really want to woo, but to be honest I'm not sure if I'm ever going to get anywhere.
Rove: What's the situation?
GOP: Well, she seems really nice, and at least I'm friends with her, she's even told me so! I've done everything she's asked, or at least what her friends the talking heads told me to do. But something seems wrong, it's just this feeling I can't shake.
Rove: Have you got several hundred million dollars? I feel like I could tell you the answer, if only you could pony up that money for me.
GOP: You mean it, honest! Sure thing, what's your bank account number, I'll send it to you right away. You won't change your mind, will you?
Rove: No, I'm always here to take your money, I promise. I'm a good friend like that. Just don't talk to that Sailer, he's mean and nasty and stuff. If you want to be seen to be some sort of big, gigantic a*****e, you would listen to him. You don't want that, do you?
GOP: No, I pride myself on being a nice guy, liked by everyone!
Rove: Just send me the money then.