January 20, 2014

"Oscar Gold"

From the comments:
We need to write a script for a movie where the Russians and Yankee WASPs join forces with Southern WASPs and plot to take over the world from the Maidstone Club. The diabolical plot is uncovered by a heroic transgendered migrant worker busing tables at the Knickerbocker Club to help pay tuition at Harvard Law School, pay to feed his four children, and cover the sex-change operation that will turn him into a single mom. Oscar gold, Steve! OSCAR GOLD! 
"Oscar Gold" would be the name of the movie since that will be the name of the migrant hero for obvious reasons. 
   

23 comments:

David said...

Directed by Tarantino. With Woody Allen as the Keyser Söze character.

twistedone151 said...

I thought "Oscar Gold" was the movie about alcoholic, mentally-handicapped Jewish boy and his puppy with cancer during the Holocaust.

Anonymous said...

This is why I read your blog.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Anonymous said...

Soon to be a major motion picture.











Hey, if Scorsese can steal your idea of casting DiCaprio in Boiler Room, who is to say that someone else won't create a parody movie with all of the leftist tropes rolled into one big piss take. For bonus points, it's played straight, just with the tropes tweaked to the nth degree, kind of like Hotel Rwanda but turned up to 11 and stretched to satire. The goal would be so that you can take a standard orthodox Hollywood-schooled leftist to see the movie, and they can't help but laughing even though they know they shouldn't, a kind of ambiguous comedy-drama.

Steve Sailer said...

Yeah, Scorsese would never have thought about casting DiCaprio if I hadn't suggested it.

Schuyler Colfax's butler said...

With a key contribution from a black computer hacking genius, one presumes.

Anonymous said...

Well, if Oscar Gold gets the green light you will know you've finally made it, Steve.

Big Hollywood Mover and Shaker said...

Sailor, that' your name, right? I like it. It's genius! Oscar Gold! It's got pizzazz!

Saylor, my people will call your people and make it happen. Oscar Gold, I like it.

peterike said...

Once there was a man named Oscar.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
And he came to Amer-eeee-ca.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Ahhhhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhhh!

He was not man, he was not woman.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
He came to stay using de asylum.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Ahhhhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhhh!

Ok, somebody else take it from here.

DPG said...

In the opening scene, a flashback, Paul Walker comes back from the dead to smuggle 16 year-old Oscar over the border.

AMac said...

I agree that you have the makings of a critical and box-office success here.

However: why are you naming the heroic transgendered waitron single-fa/mo "Oscar Gold"?

Wouldn't "Juanita (ne Juan) Valdez" be a more SWPL-friendly choice?

fish said...

Isn't Oscar Gold a little too close to the name of Steve Austins supervisor in the Six Million Dollar Man?

Anonymous said...

U.S. Civil War: The US-Russian Alliance that Saved the Union

http://www.voltairenet.org/article169488.html

Just Another Guy With a 1911 said...

DiCaprio should be cast in "OSCAR GOLD" as a South African mercenary working for the "conspiracy o' e'bil white folks" (tm.); after he engages in vigorous hand to hand combat with he/she, DiCaprio falls in love with the transgendered protagonist, played by Horatio Sanz (in a break out role).

In a pivotal moment of "OSCAR GOLD", DiCaprio's old Boer death squad (led by the bad guy from "Avatar") surround them in a dilapidated and abandoned factory building. They're trapped like Gorman and Vasquez in "Aliens." It looks bad - but if DiCaprio realizes he can hold them off long enough for he/she to make an escape.

Anyway, DiCaprio looks at he/she, declares his eternal and undying love, and tells he/she to run for the back door of the warehouse, and states in a solemn voice, choking back his tears, whilst grasping two Les Baer 1911's with 10 round Wilson Combat magazines, "I will kill the Boer for you, Latreenaza...kill..kill Him."

Horatio runs for the door. The "Avatar" bad guy and his Boer death squad run down a stairway from an upper level of the warehouse, spitting hot death from their M-4's, M-14's, and Mossberg 590A1s (bayonets fixed). Yep, it looks bad for our hero. (However, he sees the ghost of racism past, i.e, his deceased Boer great-uncle - CGI Paul Walker in a post-humous Oscar winning role- who tells him he must atone for the transgressions of all Boers).

So, DiCaprio jumps out from behind - and off of - a crate, screaming "Laaa...treee....nnnn....zaaa!!!"; as time slows down Max Payne style while sound is muted and strangely attenuated; and, slowly, Lera Lynn's cover of In the Aeroplane Over the Sea swells; 230 Gr. JHP's tear through the secondary bad guys who tortured Latreenaza's classmates from his/her "African American Studies" class at the local community college.

Finally, DiCaprio and Avatar bad Boer face each other - DiCaprio with his M1911 and the Avatar bad guy with, er, let's say a Glock, because they suck. Both pull the trigger at the same time. Fire blooms, and both fall - dead - whilst Lera Lynn sings "now he don't even know his name" Lightning crashes - FADE TO BLACK.

"OSCAR GOLD" concludes with Horatio Sanz, wearing the kilt of the Clan McDonald, making a last ditch effort to get a thumb drive with damning video to a heroic MSNBC journalist (Sandra Bullock) who plays it over the air - thus preventing the plot to flood several "Eminem" concerts with Zyklon B, which, ya know, is what the white folks wanted all along. THE END.

Chen's corral said...

How about Oscar Mayer instead? That one fits in perfectly here.

Oh I wish I didn't have an Oscar Mayer wiener.

That is how I truly want to be.

Oh I wish I didn't have an Oscar Mayer wiener.

Then all the world could see the girl in me.

SFG said...

" peterike said...
Once there was a man named Oscar.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
And he came to Amer-eeee-ca.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Ahhhhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhhh!

He was not man, he was not woman.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
He came to stay using de asylum.
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
Oscar! Oscar! Ahhhhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhh-ahhhhh!

Ok, somebody else take it from here.

1/21/14, 6:52 AM"

I could actually do a passable narcocorrido, but you need Spanish to understand them.

But if people are interested...

Glaivester said...

I was thinking that if I ever made a movie, it should have a retarded gay Indian character by the name of Oscar Winning-Role.

Anonymous said...

U.S. Civil War: The US-Russian Alliance that Saved the Union
Thanks. I was looking for another reason to dislike/distrust Russia.

Anonymous said...

Who has the cancer--the Jewish boy or his puppy?

David said...

>Who has the cancer--the Jewish boy or his puppy?<

The puppy. When it dies, the boy picks up a baseball bat and begins his crusade of pounding transphobic Russian skulls.

The puppy should be a blameless pit bull, whose victimization by society is completed by racists' denying it timely medical care for its having bitten an evil white male veterinarian's face off.

We need to start the Kickstarter now and alert the Upworthy crowd. $1000 gets you a ticket to Pattaya and a blow-job from the lead.

Senor Diesel said...

But will it play in Píuoria

Dark Matter II: The Darkening said...

Yeah, Scorsese would never have thought about casting DiCaprio if I hadn't suggested it.

Nah, turns out he got the idea from Thelma Schoonmaker -- another furtive reader of your blog ever since David Brooks tipped her to it.

Steve Sailer said...

I suspect I'd prefer the Editor's Cut of "Wolf of Wall Street" and "Gangs of New York."