April 8, 2014

How can we most fittingly commemorate Aunt Zeituni?

President Obama's Aunt Zeituni has tragically died before she could become an American citizen. In 2010, she was granted asylum in the United States so she wouldn't have to return to Kenya and be persecuted for being related to the most powerful man in the world. 

How can we best commemorate this supreme epitomization of what 21st Century immigration is all about? 

A commenter suggests the President and Congress should be petitioned to grant her posthumous honorary citizenship. Good idea. America has extended honorary citizenship seven times, five posthumously. The honorees have been:
Sir Winston Churchill (1874–1965), British Prime Minister, enacted on April 9, 1963 
Raoul Wallenberg (1912–1947), Swedish diplomat who rescued Jews from the Holocaust, enacted on October 5, 1981, posthumously although he was thought to be possibly still alive at the time. 
William Penn (1644–1718), English real estate entrepreneur, and founder and "absolute proprietor" of the Province of Pennsylvania, the English North American colony and the future Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, enacted on October 19, 1984, posthumously 
Hannah Callowhill Penn (1671–1726), second wife of William Penn, administrator of the Province of Pennsylvania, enacted on October 19, 1984, posthumously 
Mother Teresa (1910–1997), Catholic nun of Albanian ethnicity and Indian citizenship, who founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India, enacted on October 1, 1996 
Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette (1757–1834), the Marquis de La Fayette or General Lafayette ... a Frenchman who was an officer in the American Revolutionary War, enacted August 6, 2002, posthumously 
Casimir Pulaski (1745–1779), Polish military officer who fought on the side of the American colonists against the British in the American Revolutionary War; member of the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth nobility, politician who has been called "The Father of the American Cavalry," enacted on November 6, 2009, posthumously 
Zeituni Onyango (1953–2014), undocumented nonworker, public housing recipient, refugee from popularity of her nephew in her own country, enacted on April 9, 2014 posthumously  

But what about a monument? Perhaps she should be buried at the foot of the Statue of Liberty right next to the Emma Lazarus poem. Liberty means Freedom and Aunt Zeituni loved her free public housing, so if that doesn't make her a Liberty Lover, I don't know what would.

But in the spirit of the healthy-sized portrait published along with her obituary in the New York Times, we should think big. Instead of burying her beneath the Statue of Liberty, we should build a full-sized replica of Aunt Zeituni as the Statue of Liberty. Why should the Statue of Liberty be restricted to a white? 

And why should the East Coast have the only Statue of Liberty? I know, let's put Aunt Zeituni's Statue of Liberty on the beach in Malibu:
Artist's conception
        

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

We as Americans have been lucky to have been blessed by the presence of Aunt Zeituni in this country. Her vibrancy and patriotic marauding from the tough slums of Boston to the ghettos of Cleveland have shown us what an "act of love" really means.

Silver said...

How about a national holiday? Call it Zeituni Tuedsay. You gotta admit, it's got a ring to it.

Anonymous said...

Why exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???

weird.

Anonymous said...

The big picture in this blog post is obscenely annoying. But it gets the message across.

Aunt Zeituni looks like an NBA basketball player or a black man with a wig on.

Kind of reminds me of Martin Lawrence in Big Mommas house or Tyler Perry pretending to be oprah in his movies.

Does anyone have any Aunt Zeituni Memes:

http://memebase.cheezburger.com/totallylookslike

Anonymous said...

Why don't we confer citizenship on everyone in the world. That way the US becomes the only country in the world and the US Gov becomes the world government.

All those other (former) countries are just rebel provinces.

smead jolley said...

On this date every year, all baseball players must wear 'Z' instead of a number.

Silver said...

"Why exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???"

Aunt Zeituni has a special place in the hearts of long-time readers of this blog. Sailer knows that.

I was a bit flippant with my earlier comment. The truth is I was devastated to learn of Aunt Zeituni's passing. That woman truly represented all that is good about America, and that is what Zeituni Tuesday should commemorate.

ben tillman said...

Why exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???

Could this be the stupidest comment ever posted to this blog?

ben tillman said...

Kind of reminds me of Martin Lawrence in Big Mommas house or Tyler Perry pretending to be oprah in his movies.

Don't forget Flip Wilson.

peterike said...

If I think about things like this for too long, I swear I'll go mad.

Dave Pinsen said...

Last paragraph, pic, and caption had me laughing out loud.

It also reminded me of Viktor Frankl's old quip that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be balanced out by a statue of responsibility on the west coast.

Anonymous said...

If the memorial service needs a good sign language interpreter, You can hire this guy with a proven track record:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvwa9hbWVys

Anonymous said...

A cross between Maxine Waters and the guy from The Green Mile.

Anonymous said...

Treating cancer roughly scales by the weight of the animal. My 10 lb cat wracked up a $7500 bill at the local animal hospital before I had to pay $300 to have her euthanized. Auntie Zeituni must have run up at least a $100,000 medical tab before she croaked.

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.

Never speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.

Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.

Anonymous said...

This her funeral?

Anonymous said...

Is that her real hair?

ogunsiron said...

Anonymous said...
Is that her real hair?
----
You gotta troll harder than that.

Anonymous said...

Ben Vereen died?

Oswald Spengler said...

"Oooh...help me, Dr. Zaiustuni!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8BPv43vhE

Oswald Spengler said...

Anonymous said...

Is that her real hair?

4/8/14, 10:55 PM

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Yeah, buddy. Money for nothin' and citizenship for free."

Silver said...

Aunt Zeituni: She stayed so that they could DREAM.

Anonymous said...

I'm evidently not old-school enough to get this meme. And while i'm at it, what's up with scots irish?

Reg Cæsar said...

Were you aware that when global change brings sea level up to Miss Liberty's feet, she will then be legally in New Jersey?

And that New York's quarter portrays her standing in central Pennsylvania?
Only nine more states to go!

I assume the Lego Liberty I saw in Denmark is replicated in the Legoland out there. Why not just move that to Malibu? Or build one out of gourmet boutique chocolates from Santa Monica?

Dave Pinsen said...

The comments about her appearance are in bad taste, but the target of Sailer's satire isn't Aunt Zeituni but the US immigration system that would grant asylum to someone like her (or the Chechens linked to their country's leader).

Whitey Whiteman III said...

So much hate

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.

Never speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.

Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.


I wonder what the "other side" does when they

Cogswell said...

I was going to suggest they grant her posthumous voting rights along with her posthumous citizenship, but that's already standard practice for the Left.

Anonymous said...

Anon 9:15, take it from someone who knows: Aunt Zeituni racked up quite a hospital bill and the taxpayers picked up the entire check. She was a patient at the hospital where a friend works.

Dave Pinsen, MY target is indeed Zeituni. According to those who had contact with her at the hospital, she was a disgusting simulacrum of a human being. She truly believed that this country owed her, and she treated people, even those helping her, like so many servants. According to my friend, no one at the hospital was weeping yesterday.

Chicago said...

Some do better than her. Ophthalmologist Dr Salomon Melgen, graduate of med school in the Dominican Republic and friend of Sen. Robert Menendez, was paid $20.8 million by Medicare according to current Yahoo news story. He certainly must have been one busy doctor. Dreams of the dreamers do sometimes come true.

Tank said...

The statue of liberty is not white, it's green. No?

If white is green, what color would her statue be?

Anonymous said...

I tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.

Never speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.

Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.


I wonder what the "other side" does when white western culture is being systematically destroyed? Do they pithily ponder whether its in "bad taste" to mock or make comments? Do they feel bad for opening the borders, purposefully inviting foreigners, taxing whites, and redistributing resources to non-whites?

No, they don't give a crap. They don't express guilt, instead they celebrate and use your own weak guilt morality against people like you.

One of the unfortunate actions and behavior changes that whites will have to make if they want to win the arguments of the alternative right/isteve blogosphere, is to lower our morality to the level of the competition. Essentially, to beat a third world morality we will have to fight and be aggressive with a third world morality.

Their side celebrates the colonization and multicultural destruction of the west. A few alt-righters cry over a "nappy headed hair" comment.

Ventnor said...

Re: Citizenship for Aunt Zeituni

Makes about as much sense as everything else that this Administration does.

Anonymous said...

Tears of Abuse, indeed...

That should be your next book review, Steve.

Mr. Anon said...

"Anonymous said...

Never speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections."

Those nicey-nicey rules apply to an actual society. We don't have one. Conservatives are far too nice, today. If they want to be more successful in getting their views across, they need to get meaner. By all means - speak ill of the dead. Speak ill often. Speak ill loudly.

Sheila said...

Anonydroid at 10:10 proclaims

To which I respond: That old saw is as dead as Aunt Zeituni. I'm soooo tired of this instant sainthood conferred upon those that croak. Shuffling off this mortal coil does not somehow wipe the slate clean, at least in my book. I'll speak ill of whomever I damn well please, including this excuse for a modern homo sapiens.

Anonymous said...

She still deserves it more than that pile of garbage "Mother" Theresa.

Anonymous said...

Martin Lawrence... Tyler Perry... Flip Wilson...

Oh for the sake of the Good Lord Almighty, will no one mention AUNT ESTHER HERSELF?!?!?

Maybe that's why Li'l Barry Soetoro Dunham Marshall Davis never reached out to Aunt Zeituni - because watching Sanford & Son [and The Jeffersons and Good Times], as a boy, every afternoon in Hawaii, was as close as he ever came to the authentic Afro-American experience?

And that somehow he knew, deep down in his bones, that he didn't want any part of an Aunt Esther in his life?

And that marrying Michelle LaVaughn Robinson only served to confirm his very worst fears about the horror of a life spent in the company of an authentic Afro-American female?

Which, in turn, would explain why he seeks out the company of anyone who is not an authentic Afro-American female - from Danish Prime Ministers to Octoroons to Fey Duke Basketball Players?

Baloo said...

If there was a Jonathan Swift award, Steve should get it for this. Anon, I did a meme (quibcag) for Aunt Zeituni, and linked it back to Steve's post. You can see it here:
Zeituni, We Hardly Knew Ye

Anonymous said...

My people, who are legion all over the Midwest, South and West, were never asked if we wanted to become a "melting pot".

We never got a say.

Anonymous said...

This is Commander Taylor, Astronaut. He has landed in a world where Apes are the rulers and Man the beast. Now he is caged, tortured, risks mutilation. Because no human can remain human on... The Planet of the Apes.

Gordo

Jerry said...

Oh man, I laughed silently (the kids are asleep) but convulsively. Get paypal, Mr. Sailer, and I will contribute, as previously. What a range you have!

Alejandro Akbar said...

the target of Sailer's satire isn't Aunt Zeituni but the US immigration system that would grant asylum to someone like her

This article is satire? I thought it was about some character named "Aunt Zeituni" from the Planet of the Apes.

Anonymous said...

Another great loss this week: http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/Media/FullBlownPostsandComm/WarrioronQueerStudies.html

Anonymous said...

Off topic: After learning that the latest Fort Hood Shooter is a PR, I have been rereading your columns about Puerto Rico. We should have let the Kaiser dock his Dreadnaughts in San Juan. Germany would have to deal with these nutcakes. It might have also prevented WWI.

Anonymous said...

Hopefully the President's illegal-alien uncle, Onyango "Omar" Obama, can make the ceremony for Auntie Zeituni. If he's not out getting drunk at the Chicken Bone [karaoke bar] in Framingham and then driving home drunk.

http://michellemalkin.com/2013/12/03/obamas-illegal-alien-deportation-evader-uncle-omar-gets-his-amnesty/

Callowman said...

As Swedish conservative Gert Fylking used to yell out at the announcement of each new Nobel Literature Prize Winner, "Äntligen! [At last!]"

jody said...

lol. this post is turning into a bill simmons mailbag.

steve stealing an idea from grantland here, fishing for reader suggestions on the funniest way to respond to the decline of a once great nation.

Kibernetika said...

Why hasn't this wise woman yet received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Or a Medal of Honor?

Our collective shame increases, ladies and gentlemen.

Beneath the banner of Aunty Z we strive ever forward toward a world of egalite'! To the barricades!

Anonymous said...

Aunt Esther.

Darfur Miller said...

I always thought Marilyn Monroe as Lady Liberty would have been cool. Especially on the dime, because that would get FDR replaced.

stari_momak said...

I'm having an extra olive in my martini in her honor.

Anonymous said...

I'm having an extra olive in my martini in her honor.

Rayciss.

Anonymous said...

Give Federal funds to Tyler Perry so that he might make an Aunt Zeituni movie?