I'm not some elderly eccentric tightwad like Donald T. Sterling, I'm Larry Ellison. I'm not some small-time billionaire like Sterling, who is only #296 on the Forbes 400, I'm #3. I don't come across like criminal attorney Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad, I come across like the archvillain in a James Bond movie. I'm not some feeble octogenarian with Elderly Tourette's who can't keep from blurting out in private how I truly feel about sensitive topics; I won't turn 70 until August! I don't date skeevy gold-digging mulatto* strippers who outsmart me into spilling my guts, I date Stanford coeds.
* I can still use the world "mulatto," right? I mean, I read it in a science book when I was 12 in 1956. But I have to admit I've been mostly thinking about business since then. Maybe I'm not up to date -- it's just that we don't have a lot of mulattos in Silicon Valley (except in HR). I mean, don't get me wrong, I love mulattos! Hell, I'm bidding on the Clippers mostly because I want to own Blake Griffin, and he's a mulatto. (Luckily, he inherited his dad's jumping genes. White women can't jump!) What else would you call Griffin? He's a mulatto, just like my good friend President Obama. ... Maybe I should ask one of my Stanford girlfriends if "mulatto" is still the word used by kids these days before I make Griffin my property. Yeah, it could get awkward if I don't know what to call him until after I've bought him. Madison is a sociology major so she'll know if "mulatto" is still okay. I'll text her right now.