President Obama's Aunt Zeituni has tragically died before she could become an American citizen. In 2010, she was granted asylum in the United States so she wouldn't have to return to Kenya and be persecuted for being related to the most powerful man in the world.
How can we best commemorate this supreme epitomization of what 21st Century immigration is all about?
A commenter suggests the President and Congress should be petitioned to grant her posthumous honorary citizenship. Good idea. America has extended honorary citizenship seven times, five posthumously. The honorees have been:
Sir Winston Churchill (1874–1965), British Prime Minister, enacted on April 9, 1963
Raoul Wallenberg (1912–1947), Swedish diplomat who rescued Jews from the Holocaust, enacted on October 5, 1981, posthumously although he was thought to be possibly still alive at the time.
William Penn (1644–1718), English real estate entrepreneur, and founder and "absolute proprietor" of the Province of Pennsylvania, the English North American colony and the future Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, enacted on October 19, 1984, posthumously
Hannah Callowhill Penn (1671–1726), second wife of William Penn, administrator of the Province of Pennsylvania, enacted on October 19, 1984, posthumously
Mother Teresa (1910–1997), Catholic nun of Albanian ethnicity and Indian citizenship, who founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India, enacted on October 1, 1996
Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de La Fayette (1757–1834), the Marquis de La Fayette or General Lafayette ... a Frenchman who was an officer in the American Revolutionary War, enacted August 6, 2002, posthumously
Casimir Pulaski (1745–1779), Polish military officer who fought on the side of the American colonists against the British in the American Revolutionary War; member of the Polish–Lithuanian Commonwealth nobility, politician who has been called "The Father of the American Cavalry," enacted on November 6, 2009, posthumously
Zeituni Onyango (1953–2014), undocumented nonworker, public housing recipient, refugee from popularity of her nephew in her own country, enacted on April 9, 2014 posthumously
But what about a monument? Perhaps she should be buried at the foot of the Statue of Liberty right next to the Emma Lazarus poem. Liberty means Freedom and Aunt Zeituni loved her free public housing, so if that doesn't make her a Liberty Lover, I don't know what would.
But in the spirit of the healthy-sized portrait published along with her obituary in the New York Times, we should think big. Instead of burying her beneath the Statue of Liberty, we should build a full-sized replica of Aunt Zeituni as the Statue of Liberty. Why should the Statue of Liberty be restricted to a white?
And why should the East Coast have the only Statue of Liberty? I know, let's put Aunt Zeituni's Statue of Liberty on the beach in Malibu:
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| Artist's conception |
We as Americans have been lucky to have been blessed by the presence of Aunt Zeituni in this country. Her vibrancy and patriotic marauding from the tough slums of Boston to the ghettos of Cleveland have shown us what an "act of love" really means.
ReplyDeleteHow about a national holiday? Call it Zeituni Tuedsay. You gotta admit, it's got a ring to it.
ReplyDeleteWhy exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???
ReplyDeleteweird.
The big picture in this blog post is obscenely annoying. But it gets the message across.
ReplyDeleteAunt Zeituni looks like an NBA basketball player or a black man with a wig on.
Kind of reminds me of Martin Lawrence in Big Mommas house or Tyler Perry pretending to be oprah in his movies.
Does anyone have any Aunt Zeituni Memes:
http://memebase.cheezburger.com/totallylookslike
Why don't we confer citizenship on everyone in the world. That way the US becomes the only country in the world and the US Gov becomes the world government.
ReplyDeleteAll those other (former) countries are just rebel provinces.
On this date every year, all baseball players must wear 'Z' instead of a number.
ReplyDelete"Why exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???"
ReplyDeleteAunt Zeituni has a special place in the hearts of long-time readers of this blog. Sailer knows that.
I was a bit flippant with my earlier comment. The truth is I was devastated to learn of Aunt Zeituni's passing. That woman truly represented all that is good about America, and that is what Zeituni Tuesday should commemorate.
Why exactly is this worthy of being subject on your blog ???
ReplyDeleteCould this be the stupidest comment ever posted to this blog?
Kind of reminds me of Martin Lawrence in Big Mommas house or Tyler Perry pretending to be oprah in his movies.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget Flip Wilson.
If I think about things like this for too long, I swear I'll go mad.
ReplyDeleteLast paragraph, pic, and caption had me laughing out loud.
ReplyDeleteIt also reminded me of Viktor Frankl's old quip that the Statue of Liberty on the east coast be balanced out by a statue of responsibility on the west coast.
If the memorial service needs a good sign language interpreter, You can hire this guy with a proven track record:
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kvwa9hbWVys
A cross between Maxine Waters and the guy from The Green Mile.
ReplyDeleteTreating cancer roughly scales by the weight of the animal. My 10 lb cat wracked up a $7500 bill at the local animal hospital before I had to pay $300 to have her euthanized. Auntie Zeituni must have run up at least a $100,000 medical tab before she croaked.
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteNever speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.
Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.
The comments about her appearance are in bad taste, but the target of Sailer's satire isn't Aunt Zeituni but the US immigration system that would grant asylum to someone like her (or the Chechens linked to their country's leader).
DeleteThis her funeral?
ReplyDeleteIs that her real hair?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteIs that her real hair?
----
You gotta troll harder than that.
Ben Vereen died?
ReplyDelete"Oooh...help me, Dr. Zaiustuni!"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n8BPv43vhE
Anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteIs that her real hair?
4/8/14, 10:55 PM
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Yeah, buddy. Money for nothin' and citizenship for free."
Aunt Zeituni: She stayed so that they could DREAM.
ReplyDeleteI'm evidently not old-school enough to get this meme. And while i'm at it, what's up with scots irish?
ReplyDeleteWere you aware that when global change brings sea level up to Miss Liberty's feet, she will then be legally in New Jersey?
ReplyDeleteAnd that New York's quarter portrays her standing in central Pennsylvania?
Only nine more states to go!
I assume the Lego Liberty I saw in Denmark is replicated in the Legoland out there. Why not just move that to Malibu? Or build one out of gourmet boutique chocolates from Santa Monica?
So much hate
ReplyDeleteI tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteNever speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.
Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.
I wonder what the "other side" does when they
I was going to suggest they grant her posthumous voting rights along with her posthumous citizenship, but that's already standard practice for the Left.
ReplyDeleteAnon 9:15, take it from someone who knows: Aunt Zeituni racked up quite a hospital bill and the taxpayers picked up the entire check. She was a patient at the hospital where a friend works.
ReplyDeleteDave Pinsen, MY target is indeed Zeituni. According to those who had contact with her at the hospital, she was a disgusting simulacrum of a human being. She truly believed that this country owed her, and she treated people, even those helping her, like so many servants. According to my friend, no one at the hospital was weeping yesterday.
Some do better than her. Ophthalmologist Dr Salomon Melgen, graduate of med school in the Dominican Republic and friend of Sen. Robert Menendez, was paid $20.8 million by Medicare according to current Yahoo news story. He certainly must have been one busy doctor. Dreams of the dreamers do sometimes come true.
ReplyDeleteThe statue of liberty is not white, it's green. No?
ReplyDeleteIf white is green, what color would her statue be?
I tend to agree with the sentiments, but also maybe that some things are best left unsaid.
ReplyDeleteNever speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections.
Sorry, Steve, you can and usually do much better than this. Keep it classy, dude.
I wonder what the "other side" does when white western culture is being systematically destroyed? Do they pithily ponder whether its in "bad taste" to mock or make comments? Do they feel bad for opening the borders, purposefully inviting foreigners, taxing whites, and redistributing resources to non-whites?
No, they don't give a crap. They don't express guilt, instead they celebrate and use your own weak guilt morality against people like you.
One of the unfortunate actions and behavior changes that whites will have to make if they want to win the arguments of the alternative right/isteve blogosphere, is to lower our morality to the level of the competition. Essentially, to beat a third world morality we will have to fight and be aggressive with a third world morality.
Their side celebrates the colonization and multicultural destruction of the west. A few alt-righters cry over a "nappy headed hair" comment.
Re: Citizenship for Aunt Zeituni
ReplyDeleteMakes about as much sense as everything else that this Administration does.
Tears of Abuse, indeed...
ReplyDeleteThat should be your next book review, Steve.
"Anonymous said...
ReplyDeleteNever speak ill of the dead is one of those rules, like the first amendment, that has only attains full value by applying it to those one thinks the least deserving of its protections."
Those nicey-nicey rules apply to an actual society. We don't have one. Conservatives are far too nice, today. If they want to be more successful in getting their views across, they need to get meaner. By all means - speak ill of the dead. Speak ill often. Speak ill loudly.
Anonydroid at 10:10 proclaims
ReplyDeleteTo which I respond: That old saw is as dead as Aunt Zeituni. I'm soooo tired of this instant sainthood conferred upon those that croak. Shuffling off this mortal coil does not somehow wipe the slate clean, at least in my book. I'll speak ill of whomever I damn well please, including this excuse for a modern homo sapiens.
She still deserves it more than that pile of garbage "Mother" Theresa.
ReplyDeleteMartin Lawrence... Tyler Perry... Flip Wilson...
ReplyDeleteOh for the sake of the Good Lord Almighty, will no one mention AUNT ESTHER HERSELF?!?!?
Maybe that's why Li'l Barry Soetoro Dunham Marshall Davis never reached out to Aunt Zeituni - because watching Sanford & Son [and The Jeffersons and Good Times], as a boy, every afternoon in Hawaii, was as close as he ever came to the authentic Afro-American experience?
And that somehow he knew, deep down in his bones, that he didn't want any part of an Aunt Esther in his life?
And that marrying Michelle LaVaughn Robinson only served to confirm his very worst fears about the horror of a life spent in the company of an authentic Afro-American female?
Which, in turn, would explain why he seeks out the company of anyone who is not an authentic Afro-American female - from Danish Prime Ministers to Octoroons to Fey Duke Basketball Players?
If there was a Jonathan Swift award, Steve should get it for this. Anon, I did a meme (quibcag) for Aunt Zeituni, and linked it back to Steve's post. You can see it here:
ReplyDeleteZeituni, We Hardly Knew Ye
My people, who are legion all over the Midwest, South and West, were never asked if we wanted to become a "melting pot".
ReplyDeleteWe never got a say.
Oh man, I laughed silently (the kids are asleep) but convulsively. Get paypal, Mr. Sailer, and I will contribute, as previously. What a range you have!
ReplyDeletethe target of Sailer's satire isn't Aunt Zeituni but the US immigration system that would grant asylum to someone like her
ReplyDeleteThis article is satire? I thought it was about some character named "Aunt Zeituni" from the Planet of the Apes.
Another great loss this week: http://www.ultimatewarrior.com/Media/FullBlownPostsandComm/WarrioronQueerStudies.html
ReplyDeleteOff topic: After learning that the latest Fort Hood Shooter is a PR, I have been rereading your columns about Puerto Rico. We should have let the Kaiser dock his Dreadnaughts in San Juan. Germany would have to deal with these nutcakes. It might have also prevented WWI.
ReplyDeleteHopefully the President's illegal-alien uncle, Onyango "Omar" Obama, can make the ceremony for Auntie Zeituni. If he's not out getting drunk at the Chicken Bone [karaoke bar] in Framingham and then driving home drunk.
ReplyDeletehttp://michellemalkin.com/2013/12/03/obamas-illegal-alien-deportation-evader-uncle-omar-gets-his-amnesty/
As Swedish conservative Gert Fylking used to yell out at the announcement of each new Nobel Literature Prize Winner, "Äntligen! [At last!]"
ReplyDeletelol. this post is turning into a bill simmons mailbag.
ReplyDeletesteve stealing an idea from grantland here, fishing for reader suggestions on the funniest way to respond to the decline of a once great nation.
Why hasn't this wise woman yet received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. Or a Medal of Honor?
ReplyDeleteOur collective shame increases, ladies and gentlemen.
Beneath the banner of Aunty Z we strive ever forward toward a world of egalite'! To the barricades!
Aunt Esther.
ReplyDeleteI always thought Marilyn Monroe as Lady Liberty would have been cool. Especially on the dime, because that would get FDR replaced.
ReplyDeleteI'm having an extra olive in my martini in her honor.
ReplyDeleteI'm having an extra olive in my martini in her honor.
ReplyDeleteRayciss.
Give Federal funds to Tyler Perry so that he might make an Aunt Zeituni movie?
ReplyDelete