Team America World Police to the rescue in Nigeria

The Rape of the Sabine Women, 750 BC (Poussin, 1634)

Hundreds of Nigerian teenage schoolgirls have been kidnapped and offered for sale as brides for $12 each to the armed men of The Congregation of the People of Tradition for Proselytism and Jihad (Arabic: جماعة اهل السنة للدعوة والجهاد‎ Jamāʻat Ahl as-Sunnah lid-daʻwa wal-Jihād) or, as it's better known by its Hausa name, Barack Obama.

In a sign of deepening global concern, on Tuesday the United States offered to provide a team of experts, including military and law enforcement officers, along with hostage negotiators and psychologists, to assist the Nigerians in recovering the girls, an offer that the government here accepted. American officials said “military resources” would not be included, but President Boko Haram weighed in, vowing to “do everything we can.” *

Because I'm always 90 degrees off-kilter from how everybody else thinks at any moment, I'm reminded of the 1954 hit MGM backwoods musical Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which is based on Stephen Vincent Benet's story The Sobbin' Women, which is inspired by the accounts by Livy and Plutarch of a key event in the founding of Rome: The Rape of the Sabine Women. Here's Oregon frontiersman Howard Keel explaining Plutarch's history to his six younger brothers, lonely bachelors all, in the catchy song "The Sobbin' Women."

The lyrics:

ADAM
Tell ya 'bout them sobbin' women
Who lived in the Roman days.
It seems that they all went swimmin'
While their men was off to graze.
Well, a Roman troop was ridin' by
And saw them in their "me oh my",
So they took 'em all back home to dry.
Least that's what Plutarch says.
Oh yes!
Them a woman was sobbin', sobbin', sobbin'
Fit to be tied.
Ev'ry muscle was throbbin', throbbin'
From that riotous ride.
Oh they cried and kissed and kissed and cried
All over that Roman countryside
So don't forget that when you're takin' a bride.
Sobbin' fit to be tied
From that riotous ride!
They never did return their plunder
The victor gets all the loot.
They carried them home, by thunder,
To rotundas small but cute.
And you've never seens so,
They tell me, such downright domesticity.
With a Roman baby on each knee
Named "Claudius" and "Brute" 

SIX BROTHERS
Oh yes!
Them a women was sobbin', sobbin', passin' them nights. 

ADAM
While the Romans was goin' out hobbin', nobbin'
Startin' up fights.
They kept occupied by sewin' lots of little old togas
For them tots and sayin' "someday women folk'll have rights." 

GIDEON
Passin' all o' them nights. 

ADAM
Just sewin'!
While the Romans had fights. 

CALEB
"Hey listen to this"
Now when their men folk went to fetch 'em
Them women would not be fetched.
It seems them Romans ketch 'em
That their lady friends stay ketched. 

ADAM
Now let this be because it's true,
A lesson to the likes of you,
Treat 'em rough like them there Romans do
Or else they'll think you're tetched. 

SIX BROTHERS
Oh yes!
Them a women was sobbin', sobbin',
Sobbin' buckets of tears
On account o' old dobbin',
Dobbin' really rattled their ears.
Oh they acted angry and annoyed 

GIDEON
But secretly they was overjoyed 

ADAM
You must recall that when corralin' your streets 

BROTHERS
Oh, oh, oh, oh them poe little dears. 

SIX BROTHERS ADAM
Oh yes
Them a women was sobbin', sobbin', sobbin' Oh yeah
Weepin' a ton Then sobbin' women
Just remember what Robin, Robin, Robin Oh yeah
Hood woulda done. Them sobbin women.
We'll be just like them three merry men
And make 'em all merry once again. 

ADAM
And though they'll be a sobbin' for a while 

ALL
Oh yes!
We're gonna make them sobbin' women smile!
   

Here's Wikipedia's summary of Livy:

The Rape is supposed to have occurred in the early history of Rome, shortly after its founding by Romulus and his mostly male followers. Seeking wives in order to found families, the Romans negotiated unsuccessfully with the Sabines, who populated the area. Fearing the emergence of a rival society, the Sabines refused to allow their women to marry the Romans. Consequently, the Romans planned to abduct Sabine women, during a festival of Neptune Equester ... At the festival Romulus gave a signal, at which the Romans grabbed the Sabine women and fought off the Sabine men. The indignant abductees were soon implored by Romulus to accept Roman husbands. 

Livy is clear that no sexual assault took place. On the contrary, Romulus offered them free choice and promised civic and property rights to women. According to Livy, Romulus spoke to them each in person, "and pointed out to them that it was all owing to the pride of their parents in denying the right of intermarriage to their neighbours. They would live in honourable wedlock, and share all their property and civil rights, and—dearest of all to human nature—would be the mothers of free men."[2] 

... The Sabines also went to war with the Romans ... At that point the women intervened in the battle to reconcile the warring parties: 

"Intervention of the Sabine Women" by J.L. David, 1799

[They] went boldly into the midst of the flying missiles with disheveled hair and rent garments. Running across the space between the two armies they tried to stop any further fighting and calm the excited passions by appealing to their fathers in the one army and their husbands in the other not to bring upon themselves a curse by staining their hands with the blood of a father-in-law or a son-in-law, nor upon their posterity the taint of parricide. "If," they cried, "you are weary of these ties of kindred, these marriage-bonds, then turn your anger upon us; it is we who are the cause of the war, it is we who have wounded and slain our husbands and fathers. Better for us to perish rather than live without one or the other of you, as widows or as orphans."[2] 

Following the reconciliation, the Sabines agreed to form one nation with the Romans ...

Then, again, it probably won't turn out in Nigeria like in the MGM musical.
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* Posted but not fully proofread.

By the way, the President of Nigeria is named Goodluck Jonathan.