My wife watched Jodie Foster promoting "Flight Plan" on Leno tonight and she said the highlight was when the super-achiever -- child prodigy, Yale honors grad, double Oscar-winner, and would-be portrayer of Leni Riefenstahl -- announced that she plays Candyland and Chutes and Ladders with her children, but never lets them win because she wants to win. If her kids don't  want to play by the rules, they should just play a different game.
As I've mentioned before, according to the British press, Jodie spent a lot of time searching for the perfect sperm donor dad for her two children, so she presumably has high expectations.
That reminded me of a spec script I wrote in 2000 for an animated sit-com on the  WB Network called "Baby Blues," based on the popular comic strip about the young MacPherson family of Darryl, Wanda, and Baby Zoe. It was kind of an imitation "Simpsons" (not that that's a bad thing to imitate). My spec script, however, came out sounding a lot like "Family Guy," with lots of "pop-out" jokes and even a talking baby. But the producers thought it promising enough that they paid me union scale (i.e., a king's ransom by the standards of an opinion journalist) to write another script for real. (But then the show got canceled so my screenplay never got produced.)
Here's the opening from my spec script. I realize it's hard to read scripts for a show that, judging from its Nielsen rating, you almost certainly never saw and won't know who the characters are..., but, who knows, you might find it amusing:
                              
                    act  one
  fade  in:
  Ext.  the Macphersons' street - Day (Early Thursday Evening)
  
Wanda (the mom) pushes little Zoe's baby carriage.   Across the street, Sylvia (the butch lesbian neighbor) is hitting infield practice to Midge (her femme girlfriend) on their front lawn.
  
wanda
     Hi,    Sylvia, hi, Midge.
 
  Wanda  stops in front of Josie's yard to play with Baby Zoe's cartoon toes.
  
wanda
     (TO    ZOE) Let's count Zoe's toe-ies!
 
  ZOE
     (GIGGLES    AND GURGLES ADORABLY) Coo.
 
  Distracted  by Baby Zoe, a grounder hits (femme lesbian) Midge on the shin.   She stares at the softball sadly.
  
Midge
     Sylvia,    is fielding grounders all I'm ever gonna do?
 
  Sylvia
     No    way.  You also need work on your    pop flies.
 
  Angle:  Wanda and zoe
  Multiple  close-ups: each of zoe's cartoon toes (in turn)
  We  focus on each toe as wanda says the appropriate line.
  wanda
     This    little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home …
 
  Zoe  giggles with increasing excitement.  Bizzy  (their teenage babysitter) skates up.
  bizzy
     Hi,    MacMom.
 
  Wanda
     This    little piggy had roast beef, and (BUILDING TO A CLIMAX AS ZOE SQUEALS IN    DELIGHT) this little piggy had NONE!
 
  PAN  BACK TO SHOW Wanda's four-fingered Cartoon hand wiggling the fourth of zoe's  four Cartoon TOES
  
ANGLE ZOE
  Zoe's  expression falls, and she bursts into tears.
  
Bizzy
     I    always thought it ended on a downer, too.
 
  wanda  stares, puzzled.  Zoe continues  crying.
  
Another grounder gets by a listless Midge and bangs into Zoe's stroller.
  
midge
     (RACING    UP, THINKING SHE MADE THE BABY CRIED) Is the baby OK?
 
  wanda
     Oh,    Zoe's fine.  (PICKING HER UP) Here,    want to hold her?
 
  As  soon as Zoe sees Midge, she stops crying and smiles preciously.   Midge's mitt slides to the ground from her stunned fingers.   Midge takes Zoe gingerly, but enraptured. Josie (the know-it-all rich lady on the street) emerges from her side yard, hedge clippers in hand.
  
wanda
     You've    got a way with babies, Midge.
 
  Bizzy
     You    should have one of your own.
 
  midge
     Well,    you know …
 
  Midge  gestures at Sylvia, who is watching with arms folded.   Sylvia turns and begins throwing the ball against her garage door for  individual fielding practice.
  
josie
     You    know that "Little Man Tate" movie where Jodie Foster is a single mom    with a genius child?
 
  midge
     Jodie    rules!  Do you think she's a --
 
  josie
     (CONSPIRATORIALLY)    Well, I heard that to become a single mom herself, Jodie hired a handsome    scientist with a 160 IQ to be the father.
 
  Angle:  Wanda's wide-eyed face
  Dissolve  to:
  chryon:  "beverly hills"
  Int.  the nursery of an elegant mansion -- Day
  
music: a Haydn Symphony
  A  Beautiful baby of Zoe's age looks up at Jodie Foster.
  
Jodie Foster's Talking Baby
     Oh    mummy, Nanny is playing Haydn instead of Mozart.     I can just feel my IQ dropping!
 
  Jodie  instantly pops in a "Mozart for Mighty Mentalities" CD.   We Then hear a mozart symphony, which sounds virtually identical to the  previous haydn symphony.
  
Both sigh with relief, then the superstar and superbaby share a cloying  superlaugh.
   
  Later in my script, after many zany hijinks, Wanda's blue-collar neighbor Melinda explains what her husband Carl, a beefy greenskeeper who intimidates Wanda's white-collar husband, did for spare cash in high school, which anticipated David Plotz's recent book The  Genius Factory.
   
  Melinda
     Back in high school, Carl used to mow the lawn of a famous scientist, an old geezer who mailed in a weekly contribution to this fertility    clinic just for Nobel Prize winners.
 
  wanda
     I    remember something about that.
 
  melinda
     Some women must want kids their kids to be real nimrods. (SHAKES HEAD) Anyway, the clinic complained that Old Doc was shooting blanks.     So he hired Carl to fill his, uh, shoes.
 
 
  wanda
     What    happened?
 
  melinda
     100%    live ammo.  My man's got a green    thumb, he can make anything grow.  Soon    all the other old Nobel Prize-winners hired Carl to mail it in for them too.
 
  wanda
     Oh    my gosh.
 
  melinda
     Yeah,    it's not every high school boy can turn his hobby into a business.     Carl was making money hand over fist. In fact, he still keeps his hand    in.  Recently, one of his old    clients needed a favor, this handsome scientist with a 160 IQ.
 
  push  in on wanda's face:
  
chryon: "Beverly hills"
  int.  the same nursery in the elegant mansion - day
  music:  the same mozart symphony as earlier
  Jodie  Foster storms in, in the style of Faye Dunaway playing Joan Crawford in "Mommie  Dearest."
  Jodie  foster
     Why,    why has it all gone so horribly wrong?
 
  Pan down to a baby who looks just like Carl the greenskeeper, who smashes the cd player, silencing the music, with his polo mallet.
   
  pop  back to:
  Wanda
     But,    what about these women who didn't get the children they were expecting?
 
  melinda
     Who    does?  After you've had a passel of    kids, you'll realize that who inherits what is a crapshoot.     Look at Jack and Jackie Kennedy.
 
  wanda
     But    JFK Jr. inherited their good looks.
 
  melinda
     So    what happened to Caroline Kennedy? 
 
My published articles are archived at iSteve.com -- Steve Sailer