May 22, 2010

More on Harvard's Undocumented Studier

A commenter writes about Adam Wheeler, the Harvard student whom the University had arrested and charged on 20 accounts when he applied for a Rhodes Scholarship and Harvard finally noticed that his claims of having a perfect SAT score, having written a half dozen books, and being able to speak Olde English, Classical Armenian, and Ancient Persian were undocumented:
In Mr. Wheeler's defense, he was only doing courses that other students won't do. Without the likes of Mr. Wheeler, who would fill the positions for the Queer Feminist Theory classes or the Afro-American Transgendered Women's seminars? Who would pick the library books that the other kids just won't pick?

Didn't President Bush tell us that anyone "worth his salt" would try to find a way to sneak into Harvard?

I would also add that family values don't stop at the 3.5 GPA line. Besides, people like Mr. Wheeler are natural born contributors. If we could only find a way to bring him out of the shadows, I'm sure he would go on to contribute much to the university's academic life.

To showcase this massive display of unfairness, I am producing a documentary called A Day without a Wheeler and Dealer. Then maybe Harvard would realize the vibrant diversity they are losing with Mr. Wheeler's departure.

Come on, Steve. Don't hold the kid's cheating against him. What are you? Some kid of Cheatist?

Anyway, there are an estimated 12,000 undocumented studiers in American universities today. There's no way you could ever remove them all.

I propose a solution: A "Temporary Guest Student Program." Let's title it the Kennedy-MccCain CHEAT Act. It's not really unfair as it seems because.... I'm going to make sure all these undocumented studiers pay back tuition and undergo a remedial math class. After that I'm sure Mr. Wheeler and his ilk will be plenty prepared for university life and will never EVER break any rules again.

A grade is only a line on a piece of paper. I propose the creation of a group called SWG (Student's Without Grades). My group would seek to eliminate the arbitrary and classist barriers that keep people like Mr. Wheeler out of Harvard.


bates said...

"Mr. Wheeler claimed proficiency in Old English, Classical Armenian and Old Persian."


DCThrowback said...

If this commenter can't get his/her own special on Comedy Central, we truly have a society that is beyond redemption.

adsasdfasdf said...

A classic.

This should be mailed to the Harvard Crimson. It'd be funny if they published it.

Anonymous said...

so what, if an undocumented student wants to study at harvard and use its services, who are they to restrict his access to eduction. He's just a hard working guy who needs a break.

actually we know that undocumented studiers are law abiding and smarter than traditionally admitted students.

Harvard needs an influx of these undocumented studiers to maintain its vibrancy.

Noah Smith said...

Steve, I like how your blog has become the defender of white kids who are too dumb to get into Harvard and who therefore have to sneak in. Nice one. :)

Why Noah Why said...


Steve, I like how your blog has become the defender of white kids who are too dumb to get into Harvard and who therefore have to sneak in. Nice one. :)

Oddly enought, Wheeler appears too "dumb" to get into Harvard yet smarter than the vast majority of Harvard students once inside. It appears that he had great faculty recommendations and a 4.0 GPA while at Harvard thus his Rhodes and Fullbright applications there.

Others have also exposed the academic fraud of places like Harvard before. Based upon his 2.077 GPA at a CA community college and similar grades in Poly Sci at Yale (where he played rugby and joined a frat), Lon “L.T.” Grammer demonstrated the academic equivalence between Cuesta Community College in San Luis Obispo, CA where he transferred from in 1993. (search for "Lon Grammer" on this page)

Also, why did you inject race into this story? It seems more than a little closet-racists of you to assume only white kids could be clever enough to run such a scam.