Many people think former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty will be elected President in 2012 because they can't remember ever hearing anything bad about him. Others think he won't be elected President because they can't remember ever hearing anything good about him. Most people, however, can't remember ever hearing anything about him.
I therefore challenged my readers to tell me something interesting about Tim Pawlenty so I could remember who he is.
Bruce Lewis replied:
One time back in the '80s the Paw (we called him "the Paw") was sitting around in this bar in Olangapo with us, you know, having a few beers and whatnot, when suddenly we hear this ruckus from up front and we're all like "what the f--k?" We look up and there's this Flip pimp and he's got this thirteen-year-old whore by the hair and he was just, like, whaling on her. He's trying to do her some damage but he's about 98 pounds sopping wet and she's whaling him back. She was one of those strong street whores and she was giving him back, punch for punch, screaming, and so forth. It went on like this for a minute or two, when suddenly that whore draws back and nails him right in the eye with one of those scary Filipino fingernails, and, man, the blood went everywhere. That pimp like fell back and then reached down and pulled out a knife.
Paw puts his beer down and walks over and grabs that pimp by his knife hand, and that pimp jerked back and turned around and said "Man, I cut you, I got a knife." Paw, man, he doesn't move, he just says "F--k you and f--k your knife" in that Minnesota accent. That pimp starts to jab at him, then Paw just reaches out and slaps him in the face. Right in the face, like you'd slap a bitch! Well, we all jump up and get ready to rock, but nobody moves, then, I sh--t you not, that little Flip falls on the floor of that bar and starts crying! Crying, like a girl! Paw reaches down, takes the knife, and walks back to the table, like nothing, picks up his San Miguel and finishes it. Man, we busted a gut laughing.
About that time, though, that thirteen year old whore had gotten up and picked up a beer stein off the bar, one of those big, heavy glass steins. She comes over to where that pimp is crying on the floor and lifts that stein as high as she could and then busts that stein right over the top of that pimp's head.
Bam! Blood and glass flying everywhere! That pimp went down like a column of wet s--t. The whore screaming in Tagalog, that pimp laying on the floor in his own blood, and here come the Shore Patrols.
They ask us what happened. Paw just says "Nothin', man," and walks out of there with that pimp's knife, laughing his ass off.
He still has that knife. True f--king story, no s--t.
Okay, that's interesting.
Granted, the Paw was never in the Navy, much less on shore leave in the Philippines, but that doesn't really matter, because from now on I'll at least be able to remember who he is. He's the Presidential candidate who still has that pimp's knife.