March 16, 2005

Following once again in the footsteps of Robert S. McNamara

Following once again in the footsteps of Robert S. McNamara, Paul Wolfowitz, having gotten us into a land war in Asia, has now been named by President Bush to head the World Bank.

Also, Wolfowitz signed a deal to make a tell-all confessional documentary in 2027 with director Errol Morris to be entitled "The Bog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Paul D. Wolfowitz."

And in late-breaking news, Bush named Christopher Hitchens to be Ambassador to the Vatican. "Hey, Popester," Bush crowed while announcing the appointment of the fanatical hater of Mother Teresa and supporter of the Iraq War, "I hear you aren't breathing too good. So, suck on this!"

In further efforts to simultaneously cheaply please his white guy supporters by driving foreigners crazy while sending the neocons who helped get the U.S. into the Iraq war as far from Washington as possible, Bush appointed Douglas Feith, the #3 man in the Pentagon, to be the new Dalai Lama, while naming Larry Franklin, currently under FBI investigation for his role in leaking Pentagon secrets to the American-Israel Political Action Committee, as lead tenor at the La Scala Opera House in Milan, Italy.

Also, Richard Perle, former chairman of the Defense Policy Board, was slated to become head chef at La Tour D'Argent in Paris, but could not be contacted because he was vacationing at his chateau in the South of France. Rumors that Elliott Abrams would step in as the goalie for Manchester United and that Scooter Libby would take over as Queen of the Mardi Gras in Rio de Janeiro remain unconfirmed.

In other news, Bush named as Wolfowitz's replacement as #2 man at the Pentagon actor Robert Blake, saying, "We didn't think Baretta would be available, but when you have a chance to hire a man of action who isn't slowed down by petty rules, you've gotta go for it." Also, Bush noted that UN Ambassador nominee John Bolton's replacement as head of arms control at the State Dept. will be Ted Nugent. "He only eats meat he kills himself, so The Nuge obviously has steady control over his firearms," noted Bush. "And besides, that week in 1974 when I was up for 87 hours straight, I played nothing but "Cat Scratch Fever" on the eight-track, so this is my way of showing my appreciation to a great American."

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