September 2, 2005

Three words, Raffy, three words: "Human Growth Hormone"

From the Associated Press:

Slumping Palmeiro Loses First Base Job

BALTIMORE -- Rafael Palmeiro has lost his job as the Baltimore Orioles' regular first baseman, the result of a prolonged slump that began after he returned from a 10-day suspension for testing positive for steroids.

Mired in a 2-for-22 skid in which he has gone hitless in his last 14 at-bats, the left-handed hitting Palmeiro did not start Monday against Oakland right-hander Kirk Saarloos. Asked if he sees Palmeiro as the team's everyday first baseman for the rest of the season, Orioles interim manager Sam Perlozzo responded, "No, I don't, but if he would swing the bat he would be. I don't have a problem with playing everyone that can help us on a regular basis."

Palmeiro was hitting .280 with 18 homers and 59 RBIs at the time of his suspension. Since his return, he has no homers and just one RBI in six games. His batting average has also dropped 12 points to .268.

Unlike steroids, baseball doesn't test for Human Growth Hormone. Expect to soon see baseball players with all those weird jaw deformities, kind of like how normally sleek-looking track king Carl Lewis showed up for the 1996 Olympics looking like a squirrel with his cheeks stuffed with nuts.

My published articles are archived at -- Steve Sailer

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