My ideal Winter Olympic event

The problem with most of the Winter Games events is that only one person or team competes at a time. That's because it's so slippery out there that catastrophes could ensue if athletes competed directly. So, the events end up with play-by-plays like this:

"And there goes Schievenhoffel! He's going really fast. Man, he's flying! He's very quick! Wow, he's fast! Fast, fast, fast! And there's his time: oh, well, he just wasn't quite fast enough..."

What I'd like to see is the Mass Downhill -- all the skiers line up side by on top of the mountain and the first one, no holds barred, to the bottom gets the gold. Whacking each other with ski poles is not only allowed, but encouraged.

Fortunately, the recently added short track speed skating is close. My favorite race in 2002 was the men's 1000m when America's Apolo Anton Ohno and the other three leaders all crashed into each other in the final turn and went down. The Australian guy in last place was so far back that he was able to skate around and between the human debris on the ice to win the funniest gold medal of that Games.

My published articles are archived at iSteve.com -- Steve Sailer