May 7, 2006

The Hot White Defendant

James Fulford on the Blog provides a rough count of the demographic breakdown of the bad guys on the LAPD's most wanted list:

Looking at the the names on the LAPD Most Wanted list, there are three categories of names: What Archie Bunker called “regular American,” random foreigners, (did you know there are Armenian gangs in LA?) and Hispanic. I count, unscientifically, about 20 random foreigners, 28 regular Americans [white and black], and 180 Hispanics.

One thing that jumped out at me from scanning the Most Wanted list was how few black criminals are left in LA. Whether that means they have reformed or have merely, under pressure from all the Hispanic criminals, moved elsewhere in the country, is unclear.

What is clear is that real LA criminals don't look much at all like the many Great White Defendants on the crime shows filmed in LA.

However, I did notice one striking exception: Miss Vanessa X:

Sex: F
Descent: White
Height: 5' 09"
Weight: 125 pounds
Hair: Blonde
Eyes: Hazel
Date of Birth: May 12, 1972
Oddities: French Accent

Grand Theft Property-
Suspect deposited into her personal bank account two stolen and forged checks in the amount of $136,500.00. The suspect withdrew the funds prior to the discovery of the theft and fraud.

The suspect is articulate and claims to work in fashion design. The suspect dresses in very expensive looking clothes and speaks with a French accent. The suspect speaks five languages fluently: English, French, Italian, Thai and Spanish. The suspect can also speak some Arabic. The suspect is known to frequent the following areas: The Fairfax District in Wilshire and Hollywood Areas; Hollywood; Ocean Front Walk in Pacific Area; and West Hollywood.

Suspect is known to be in the company of Ilan Schachar, (Male, White 07-08-57) who currently has an outstanding warrant from the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department for 459 PC - Burglary.

I bet the LAPD has no shortage of cops volunteering to borrow the Department's Ferrari and go undercover to try to entrap this dangerous criminal in a sting operation.

Vanessa X just made my most wanted list. She speaks six languages, dresses sharply and has excellent penmanship (as evidenced by check forgery to the tune of $136K). What’s not to like? ...
When Vanessa is caught she will reinforce my stereotype, built from years of movie watching, that all female prisoners are total hotties who take showers all day when they aren’t getting into topless catfights or being mistreated by a corrupt lesbian warden. And of course, a wrongly-imprisoned hottie will eventually orchestrate a dramatic jailbreak (somehow leveraging Vanessa’s language and forgery skills), but not before giving the warden a taste of her own medicine.

UPDATED: 6/27/2011: Today, I received an email from a law office
My office represents Vanessa X. Ms. X was the subject of your blog entry on May 7, 2006, entitled “The White Hot Defendant.”  
Actually, my post was called "The Hot White Defendant," but I kind of like your version better.
In your blog entry you discuss Ms. X's fugitive status.  In August, 2007, Ms. X appeared before the Los Angeles Superior Court. The grand theft charges against Ms. X were dropped due to lack of evidence linking her to any of the crimes committed.  
Unfortunately, she is still being affected by the unsubstantiated charges as whenever her name is entered into the Google search engine, your blog entry comes up in the first five hits.   This has greatly limited Ms. X's ability to gain employment as all potential employers that search her name think she is a wanted fugitive.

I am writing this email to request that you remove your entry regarding Ms. X's fugitive status so that she can move past that unfortunate period in her life.

Always happy to be of service. In fact, let me offer some career advice: Miss X should contact Cameron Diaz's people about selling the rights to her life story in case the star of Bad Teacher wants to follow up her momentum with more sociopath roles. Alternatively, I'd probably rather watch Miss X in Bad Teacher 2 than Cameron Diaz.

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