More from my upcoming review of "The Da Vinci Code"

in The American Conservative:

Back when I wrote computer users' manuals, I'd try to break up the forbidding slabs of my pedantic prose by employing an EZ-2-Read Question & Answer format. Watching the similarly structured "The Da Vinci Code," I couldn't help musing about how my tome, "The HP LaserJet Code," would have turned out as a $125 million summer blockbuster:

Audrey Tautou (beseechingly): How do I print in Times Roman?
Tom Hanks (decisively): Insert the serif font cartridge.
Audrey (frantically): But the printer's not doing anything!
Tom (with steely resolve): Try plugging it in.

Having sat through "The Da Vinci Code," I'm confident that Audrey and Tom would have delivered my lines with more believability, charisma, and sexual tension than they mustered for screenwriter Akiva Goldsman's didactic dialogue.

My published articles are archived at iSteve.com -- Steve Sailer